New Years Resolutions

Every year I dutifully sit down and make a list of New Year's Resolutions. This year was no different. I even break them down into small achievable goals. I put a lot of thought and effort into what I will resolve to do and change in the coming year. I have every intention of keeping them. I don't remember having followed through with one. But, I still make them every year. Next year my resolution might be to keep my resolutions.
While I was writing out my new resolutions I decided to toss things up just a bit and do a search for New Year's Resolutions and see what other people are resolving to do. I realized that I should have done this a lot sooner because I found that there were more people just like me! I found resolutions that I really wanted to do! And they are achievable! Here are some of them:
1. Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
2. Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your mom always say you were bit skinny.
3. Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
4. Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years.
5. Draw up a list of people who were nasty to you in the past year, get your own back on them in the next year!
6. Eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.
7. Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make you a dull boy or girl.
8. Play more computer games. Scientists say they're good for you and improve your visual skills. But you always knew that.
9. Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.
(I found this at http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/funny_new_year_resolutions)
Now, don't tell me that these are not resolutions that you could keep! Except smoking, I will just come up with a habit like drinking a twenty-four pack of Mountain Dew a day. It also helps keep people in jobs.
So, for those of you who are like me, take time to contemplate what you really want, and then, set realistic resolutions. I hope to see you all at the fat and happy Dew party next year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Just a side note, my real New Years Resolutions did NOT include updating my blog regularly, so for those of you who were expecting more from me, sorry, it isn't going to happen. :-)